Corporate personality tests

There are a number of well-known systems for classifying people's personalities according to various measures such as introversion-extroversion, and organisations often use these schemes to categorize their staff. Unfortunately, such methods do not capture a number of the most important aspects of an individual within an organisation; any corporate employee knows that whether someone is (for example) extroverted or introverted is much less critical than (say) how important they are. The Lipson-Shiu test attempts to remedy this and other oversights by classifying along four alternative axes:

• Intelligent-Stupid
• Lawful-Chaotic
• Important-Unimportant
• Good-Evil

It is important to note that none of these terms should be construed as a negative value judgement. For example, a "Stupid" person should not be able to deduce that thay are less capable than an intelligent person and an "Unimportant" person shouldn't be told that their existence is irrelevant to those in charge. And certainly no-one could doubt the value of "Evil" employees to a large corporation or expect all their staff to be "Lawful"!

To assess your L-S type, the following diagnostic test has been devised. Once you have taken the test, you can and compare your results with each of the listed below. A word of warning: the test was compiled by s, so if you don't like the results, don't expect sympathy.

ILIG (Archangel )

The ILIG is the ideal person to be in charge of anything: trustworthy, effective and devoted to the cause. Unfortunately, none have yet been found. If the test evaluated you as this you are probably an or (and covering it well) or a or (and not safe to be typing on anything electrical).

ILIE (Grand Vizier)

The I LIE has probably carved a ruthless trail to the top, but left no evidence of it. At least, if you find the bodies you're in very bad trouble. Highly adept at serving their own ends, I LIEs are not people to be on the wrong side of. Here is someone who has made the system work for them (examples: Sir Humphrey, Lex Luthor).

ILUG (Mensch)

The I LUG is that rarest of underlings: the one whom you can trust to understand what you're telling them and then rely on to get the job done. In any organisation, these are the people who actually do the work. (example: Florence Nightingale)

ILUE (Gremlin)

Keep a close eye on these guys. They will follow instructions to the letter and use all their power and ingenuity to go against the spirit of what was intended. When you feel the sharp pain in your back, that is almost certainly the ILUE (example: Draco Malfoy)

ICIG (Entrepeneur)

A bubbling energetic type often with boundless energy and a short attention span. Has a pattern of getting enthused about a project, starting it up and leaving the rest to others (example: Maria von Trapp)

ICIE (Torturer)

A sadistic type who, rather than building an evil empire (though that may be a fringe benefit), devotes their time and considerable talents to making the world as unpleasant as possible. Often found in charge of human resources or very very large software companies.

ICUG (Inventor)

The ICUG is given to solitude and shoe staring. He or she loves little puzzles and is often a good source of off-the-wall, innovative ideas. Best left to their own devices with only occasional steering (example: Leonardo da Vinci)

ICUE (Mad Scientist/Hacker)

Displaying many of the same traits as the the I CUE combines these with a dangerously antisocial streak. May employ someone called Igor and mutter things like "Small minded fools! I'll show them all!" (example: Victor Frankenstein)